** Today I can't take it anymore.

Well, I have no idea why did I choose the picture above. Just wanna spice things up with something cute wtf.

So, hello blog. Like I've mentioned in the earlier post, I'm still doing my action research and thank God, it's almost the end of it. I can almost see the light at the other end of the tunnel! Hip hip hooray! I can't wait to go home for the holidays, where I can truly relax and not think about anything else except for an assignment which I don't really mind to do it ten times!

Anyway, something happened today, Mr. Blog. See, I always try to do what the lecturer said cz well, he's a lecturer and I'm a student. What else can I do right? I can't really see another way of it. So, Nong and I went to class earlier and before that, our lecturer, let's call him Latexman. Latexman sent a text in our group chat, telling us or informing us that today's lecture will be looking at other students' presentation and try to get some information there about how it'll be like when we present our research next week (omaigoddddd *pulls hair*). So both of us casually walked into our lecture room and we saw other lecturer and two other students that are already there.

As soon as we got there, Latexman came in and suddenly commented on a lot of things about our presentation slides. The weird thing is that he just commented the same thing yesterday and come one. He expects us to finish editing everything in a day time? And everything I meant the whole research. Just like he always does, he told me to present my presentation. For a split second I was shocked. What if I suddenly tell him to dance in front of the class?? Eventhough I told him how unprepared I was, he insited me to present.

Gosh, I wish I could punch something at that moment. The thing is, I don't mind to present my presentation if I'm ready and my slides are well-prepared. When he told me to present, only 20% of my slides are prepared to be seen by judgemental eyes. This is the thing that I really really really hate about. Why wanna force me when I'm not prepared to present???? I always obey his commands if I think I'm capable of doing it but not this, Latexman. You should have known me better than this! I'm not your puppet where you can just pull any strings whenever you want! I have my limit too and today, you pushed it way too much! Despite the fact that I dislike you, I still help you to do stuff because I respect you as an elder, a lecturer and an educator but today, I just can't anymore. Sorry, Latexman. I officially dislike you now! *angry face*

Feels so good after rambling about this in my blog. Ahh.. Reminds me of why I first started this blog. To document my feelings, life experiences and things I want to remind myself in the future. Better get back to my report-writing! Bye, Mr. Blog!

Quote for the day: Never force anything on someone.

** A letter to the future me

** the moment i can't stand it anymore

Have you ever been in a situation before when you don't know how to say no? I've always encounter suck situation. Heck, it's like these type of situations is my twin. It just won't leave me. To be honest, I am someone who can hardly say no, especially to my friends and my family. If I wanna be positive about it (most of the time), it's my strength but it is slowly becoming my weakness. Friends always come to me and borrow this and that and this and that. Some of them even know that I won't like it but yet they will still do it.

YOU KNOW I WON'T LIKE IT BUT YET YOU STILL COME TO ME AND BORROW IT FROM ME. DOES THAT MAKE YOU A BETTER FRIEND????????? YOU KNOW HOW IT WILL AFFECT ME AND YOU KNOW THAT I AM A PERSON WHO CAN HARDLY SAY NO AND YET, YOU STILL COME AND ASK WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE????

Seriously, I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS.

I always help you guys to reason with my own self. It,s okay, she needs to use it. It's okay, it's only for awhile. It's okay this, it's okay that. How many times do I have to deal with this?

At some point (like now), I feel like I'm being taken granted for. I'm so pissed at you guys for always making it hard for me. I'm pissed at myself for not able to say NO to you guys.

You guys are my closest friends here. It will be ridiculous if you said that you don't know about me facing problems in saying NO. Why do you guys still wanna make it hard for me?

Okay. Even if I don't mind and let you borrow my car. Can you at least return it in a good condition or maybe with the tank at least fueled? Maybe I don't need you to fuel up the whole tank but at least one bar up? Sigh.

It hurts when you guys keep doing this to me. Because you guys are killing me inside. Do you know the feeling where you wanted to say no so much but whatever that comes out from your mouth is a yes? Literally, I'M DYING INSIDE.

If it's an emergency, I will always let you borrow my car and I can even be your driver. I will personally open the car door if you request for it. I don't mind. It's an emergency and you need that. That's what friends are for right?

You might say, why do you let us borrow if you don't want to? Well, if you really say this to me, I'm totally speechless. Say whatever you want thn.

Once and for all, all I'm asking is please, my dear friends, do not make it hard for me. Once is nothing but if it's so frequent, I can't stand it.

** What's fate when you chase it around?

I was packing to return to Kuching and while I was rummaging through my room, I found my old little notebook and I saw my draft for a post 2 years ago. Wondered for a while why I didn't post it back then. It kind of reminded me of my friend's relationship though and somehow, I have the urge to post it now. So, here it is!

Love. Love is a four lettered word which is able to lift you high up and you can easily fall in seconds. Love occurs in you when you show affection towards someone. Anyone. It could be your family, friends or a lover. What do you do when you suddenly lose the one that you love? Breaking up? Some might whine about their lost. Some might just gnash their teeth, hold their fists and say, "you know what? I'm fine." Some might cry for weeks. Even, some might commit suicide. What's the point of getting together when you know it's not going to last?

For some people, when they fall in love, they fall hard. For some other people, they look for sex when they're in a relationship and that's it. It's just sex and sex and sex. Don't they know the true meaning of love? For all I've known, ANIMALS HAVE SEX but HUMANS MAKE LOVE (well, if you consider yourself an animal then alright).  The excuses 'sex is my hobby' or 'guys need it' or 'we need it in our daily lives'. These are all BULLSHIT. It's because of these people, the world has become bananas. Such daft excuses!

Oh well, looks like I was really mad at that time. But it surely does remind me of how the world has change in the past few decades.

Alrighty! Back to packing now!

Adious!

** There's always a way out

I woke up, got my hair up to a bun and all of a sudden, it hit me. I realized that I've been working my ass off for this semester. It makes me wonder what have I been doing for the past two semesters. *guilt feeling flowing in* Hopefully I'll get the result I want. *fingers crossed!*

Anyway, was talking to le roomie over lunch yesterday about is winning in an arguement really important? Well, to me, it doesn't really matter, especially to those really stupid arguments. You know, those mine-is-prettier arguments. When I see people argue over small matter, it really looks pathetic. I mean come on. You've got to have something better or more meaningful to do rather than arguing over minor matters. What's the point of winning the argument anyway? It only shows people how pathetic you look and how egoistic you are. Oh! Another thing. Egoistic. Boy, hate that so much.  Obviously, it links with the winning thingy. Egoistic kills, people! Wake up and stop being so damn egoistic can or not! Really fade up with ego people. Try putting away the ego side of you and start listening can or not?? You're not always right, for God's sake. The worst is being ego and wanting to win, that particular person doesn't confess to his/her wrongs. Wtf. That is the WORST-EST WORST! Whenever I encounter with such people, that's it. I will be like, I'm outta here, people. Do whatever you want cz IDGAF.

*calms self down*

I've always dreamed to study abroad. Whether it's Taiwan or UK or The States. The other day, was talking to Nicole about getting my master degree. I wanted to do it abroad but I've always have the thought that it's never going to happen since the syllabus I'm studying now is almost unrecognizable in the places I want to be. All of a sudden, Nicole told me that it is not impossible! Tho, I'll have to retake the 3rd or 4th year of their bachelor of degree programme. Sigh. Actually, I don't regret coming to Kuching but I do regret why didn't I stayed firm on my decision 3 years ago. Yeah, I'll get a job right after I graduated but what's the point if I'm not working in what I most passionate about? Thank God, I found out that we can actually get a master degree right after I graduated from this. This totally eases my mind a bit. Looking at the bright side, if I wasn't in Kuching, I won't be able to have the chance to get to know my friends here, to have Nicole as my piano educator, to be able to have mini concerts and last but not least, to gain the experience here that I know most of my friends back in my hometown wouldn't have the chance to gain.

It's not that easy to be away from your hometown and I guess everyone knows that. Especially when you're in somewhere where there's zero relatives and zero friends. It's almost like life starts over from scratch again. I guess this is what people call the transition of life. This semester itself has already surprised me with a number of experiences whether it's private or not. I too, like anyone else have my ups and downs. Although I don't enjoy the downs as much as I do on the ups, I'm really looking forward to what life brings to me next.

Till then,
Joyce :)

Quote for the day: If you don't see, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

** Life In A Post

Christmas is coming! Can't believe I've been ignoring this blog for sooooo long. Well, currently I'm home and can't wait for the Hong Kong trip in two weeks time! Get to spend some quality time with my mama. Ooooh! I bought a dslr and am so excited to learn more about it. :)

Anyway, the reason I wanna blog is because there is something in my head that I wanna say it out but I feel weird if i talk about it to my brother or my parents. BUT! If they accidentaly came across my blog and saw this, well hello mama and daddy and broda! :)

So! I've been talking with my friends how parents should not have an arguement or fight in front of their children. It is a bad influence and parents, it won't help in disciplining your children too. Think about it. You fight or argue, the children observe, the children are scared and apparently, the children become afraid of you, parents. Once is a;ready very enough to allow that negativity stays in the mind of that particular child. Think of the amount of pressure the child has to carry when he's talking to you, parents and what pressure is that? The fear of parents might snap out of their good mood and begin hitting or yelling at the child. And the outcome of it? The child will feel reluctant to even express their feelings to the parents.

Quote of the day: Arguements and fights cannot solve the problem.

** Confusion

Sometimes I really hope that you can feel what I feel.