** ****

Now Playing - Neon Tree's Everybody Talks


Next week will be exam week and I can't stop thinking about it. Seriously, sometimes I just wanted to break down and cry and yell. Not only because of studying but everything. Weather, unfinished hours of lectures, friends, revision. I AM SERIOUSLY GOING TO BE CRAZY! My revision isn't done yet. I need to study. I NEED TO STUDY! Everytime I started to study, there will be things stopping me from doing it and I'll get tired by the end of the day.

I need to study early in the morning without any interruption. I need to study in the afternoon in a room that is quiet and no sunlight. I need to study at night without any noise so that I can really focus. Not that I'm complaining but I just need to study. I can't afford to fail my exam. I can't afford to go home without anything. I'm really worried now. How am I going to study if I always have to go to classes in the morning and when I come back, hoping to study, there'll be sunlight coming directly into my room and this hotspot is becoming more and more famous at night? Please God, help me.

Sometimes I think to myself whether it's my fault for being too tolerating. I just wanted peace but sometimes all I get is scars to myself. How am I going to protect myself? Gosh, this is so hard. I hate this. I hate the sunlight, the noise, the classes. I know, I'm such an ungrateful bitch but it's only because I'm at my breaking point right now. I'm stressed out and angry and emotional and feeling so shitty.

Quote for the day: -

** magic wand.

Today was boring. We had Thinking Skill this morning and a mini music theory test, just to test whether we are all capable of handling the examinations or not. Overall, we kinda did great. Lecturer didn't really say anything except that we are all careless. :) This is also the problem i'm having since i was like six? Seriously.

Sometimes, I wonder why people here always say that TESL students are always proud and arrogant with the imthebest look. Now, I understand why. I'm not talking about all TESL students. Just some of them. Fyi, our institute are known for its 3's' thingy. Senyuman. Salaman. S______ (something i forgot). I was being such a good/nice/polite girl, smiling to anyone and greeting anyone who i see. Tho, some of them don't really appreciate and most of them are the TESL students. Seriously. I think they're having some kind of tooth decay that they're so shy to open their mouth, afraid that the stink will scare people away. Dear y'all, smiling does not really need you to open your mouth. Don't worry, no tooth to be seen when you're smiling.

I really don't understand what they are thinking. I mean, come on lah. You're going to graduate as a teacher. A freakin TEACHER. Can't you be a little polite? A little smile will definitely help you in your teaching. Guarentee. Learn to respect, future teachers!

Quote for the day: Smile doesn't hurt.

** 生命

有时候，当你觉得很伤心，你会想什么呢？是爱情？还是友情？或者是家人？

**

Now Playing - 从开始到现在 by 张信哲

I was on facebook and suddenly what I saw wasn't something i wish to see and also something i've been avoiding. His name. Seeing it makes me feel really emotional. I feel stupid for feeling like this but what do you expect right? It's a three and almost four years relationship. You don't expect me to forget just like that and you don't expect me to let go just like that. As what people always say, wounds heal but scars stay forever, you can only cover the scars temporarily. Yes, the scar is deep on me and that is why it still affects me now. After all, I thought he was the one but it turns out that I was wrong. I am never the one to him. I should listen to what my parents said from the beginning. This is a scar that I gave to myself. None to be blame apart from myself. Replacing you seems like impossible but I will try my best to do it, to save myself from this dark hole.

Oh well, enough with the emotional posts, I'm going to sit for my first semester examination in two weeks time. Music for this semester is a little bit tough. Malaysia's Music and the Western Music. Seriously, they're like history. Just that everything is about music. Seriously gotta study hard. Getting a high pointer is happy but maintaining it is like hell man. I'm really worried. Everything seem to be harder and tougher. I know, i know. Stuff gets harder as you go. What can I do now besides studying hard right? Sigh.

The other I went to the Sarawak's Culture Village and Damai Beach. At last! I saw a beach here in Kuching. I thought that Kuching has no beach but when i reached the Damai Beach, I was like in heaven. The only thing is that we did not plan to go to the beach that day. Therefore, we did not prepare any clothes for us to change. Which means, we were playing really carefully so that we don't soak ourselves with sea water. Bummer. I will absolutely be going there again and again and again and with extra clothes. I PROMISE!

Quote for the day: Wounds heal but scars stay forever.