** Today I can't take it anymore.
Well, I have no idea why did I choose the picture above. Just wanna spice things up with something cute wtf.
So, hello blog. Like I've mentioned in the earlier post, I'm still doing my action research and thank God, it's almost the end of it. I can almost see the light at the other end of the tunnel! Hip hip hooray! I can't wait to go home for the holidays, where I can truly relax and not think about anything else except for an assignment which I don't really mind to do it ten times!
Anyway, something happened today, Mr. Blog. See, I always try to do what the lecturer said cz well, he's a lecturer and I'm a student. What else can I do right? I can't really see another way of it. So, Nong and I went to class earlier and before that, our lecturer, let's call him Latexman. Latexman sent a text in our group chat, telling us or informing us that today's lecture will be looking at other students' presentation and try to get some information there about how it'll be like when we present our research next week (omaigoddddd *pulls hair*). So both of us casually walked into our lecture room and we saw other lecturer and two other students that are already there.
As soon as we got there, Latexman came in and suddenly commented on a lot of things about our presentation slides. The weird thing is that he just commented the same thing yesterday and come one. He expects us to finish editing everything in a day time? And everything I meant the whole research. Just like he always does, he told me to present my presentation. For a split second I was shocked. What if I suddenly tell him to dance in front of the class?? Eventhough I told him how unprepared I was, he insited me to present.
Gosh, I wish I could punch something at that moment. The thing is, I don't mind to present my presentation if I'm ready and my slides are well-prepared. When he told me to present, only 20% of my slides are prepared to be seen by judgemental eyes. This is the thing that I really really really hate about. Why wanna force me when I'm not prepared to present???? I always obey his commands if I think I'm capable of doing it but not this, Latexman. You should have known me better than this! I'm not your puppet where you can just pull any strings whenever you want! I have my limit too and today, you pushed it way too much! Despite the fact that I dislike you, I still help you to do stuff because I respect you as an elder, a lecturer and an educator but today, I just can't anymore. Sorry, Latexman. I officially dislike you now! *angry face*
Feels so good after rambling about this in my blog. Ahh.. Reminds me of why I first started this blog. To document my feelings, life experiences and things I want to remind myself in the future. Better get back to my report-writing! Bye, Mr. Blog!
Quote for the day: Never force anything on someone.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016.
** A letter to the future me
Wow, it's been a year since the last time I posted something on this blog. Can't believe I owned this blog for like what? Almost 8 years maybe? A miraculous wind blew through me and urged me to update my blog so hello blog! Here I am again! Maybe I shall update more often. To record my life on the web, so I can always know what happened in different stages of my life in the future.
First of all, I can't believe I'm in my final semester! Yes! I'm a final year student! After 5 longing (doesn't feel that way anymore) years, I'm finally here! Well, I may sound chirpy but oh boy. It is not an easy year. Totally agree that final year is always the hardest. Well, in IPGs, we don't really need to do any thesis, but we do have to do action researches. You know, do improve our teaching skills, to help students and all. Sometimes I do feel that I'm quite lucky cz unlike all my other friends in universities, they have to do bigger researches. I'm struggling with action research, which is considered as the easiest research to be done so I don't know what will happen to me if I'm doing even bigger research. But hey! baby steps right? I will try some day when I'm a qualified teacher!
Ooooo! Look at that! That's Nisaa and I during Merdeka cum Raya celebration in our campus. Happy times! She is the first friend that actually clicked with me here in Sarawak. She's a crazy-ass girl! I'm going to miss her so much after we graduated. T.T Just wanna randomly post this here cz today, while writing this post, I suddenly miss her so much!
To be honest, I've been really stressed-out lately, without me knowing it I think? I didn't notice that I was quite unhappy lately, I always get angry at minor things, little little things like the rubbish bin was full can make me angry. But it always changes from angry to annoyed to sad. Sigh. Stress, stress. What are you doing to me? Not to mention my backache that has been going on and off for so many years. Recently did an MRI to see what's going on with my back and gosh. It was so damn costly! The guilt is definitely contributing to my level of stress. :( I feel so bad. I feel so bad cz I didn't take good care of myself, which caused me to have such backache, which caused my parents to use a fortune on me. I feel so bad that sometimes I'm mad of myself and I'll just cry all of a sudden. I totally sound like a pregnant lady whom her hormone goes crazy but sigh. I don't know. I am not happy. I'm just not happy right now and I don't know what to do to make myself happy so I don't get stressed-out and so that I can do my works easily and smoothly.
Dear me,
I hope you're doing fine in your career when you're reading this letter in the future. Did you pass the interview? How was your action research? Did you get an A or a B? Did you graduate and make mom, dad and brother proud? Did they come to your convocation? Is the convocation held in KL? Did mom (or maybe dad) cry when you walked on the stage and receive that piece of paper which means so much to you? Are you officially a teacher? What about the promise that I made? Did you become a Guru Cemerlang?
I hope by the time you read this, you have a wonderful and bright career. Oh! And I hope you travelled to New Zealand already! To meet Kylie! You talked about it for sooooo long and it never happened in your study years! Hopefully you went and you got back safely! If you did, you have to write a post about it here on this blog! #anotherpromisetomyself
Well, I guess this is it. I'll continue doing my assignments now. Goodbye, future me! Adious!
Quote for the day: Do not expect people to appreciate you if you don't appreciate yourself.
Saturday, August 13, 2016.
