** Hate My Life

Seriously, when can i ever go out with someone i love "openly"??
I'm quite tired of being in this place. I hate my life. I hate everything. The only time i'm in a mood for happy-ing is in school. Where i won't be bossed around and where i can actually be me. The sensitive me. The playful me. The lively me.
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I know there are a lot of people will be jealous with me. (I mean the ones in Africa) but, at least they have happy lives. It's not that i am not happy now. But, i just cant feel the happiness in my nest. i seek for the happiness several times. But why can't i seek it? I hope the birds in my nest will acknowledge it. I really hope.
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Whenever i'm in my nest, i feel scared. I feel lonely. I feel that i'm not like other birds. So free in their own nest. I hate this feelings. I do not want to be like this. I want to do whatever i like. I dont like being forced. Mostly, I do not like being bossed around by the other birds in my nest. I hate it alot.
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Maybe you will feel that i'm stupid. That i have such a good life yet, i am still complaining. Yes. I admit that i do have a good life. At least i'm not someone who begs for money or no family or always hungry or no nice clothes. Yet, i feel that i'm lack of something else.
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I hate being in this nest. I want love. I want freedom. I want caring from the other birds in the same nest. Caring which doesn't cause hatred.
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Well, the other bird in this nest is soon leaving for further studies. At first, i thought it will be the happiest momment in my life. Cz, I won't be seeing him anymore and i wont be bossed around by him. But, he's my brother anyway. I'm sure i'll feel alone at home. I dont dare to tell him face-to-face, so, i typed it here. Well, if you see me, don't say it out. You'll make me embarrased. =p
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School is quite hard for me now. Especially for Maths and Science. They're my most-hate subjects. I found myself struggling in them. Since, now, in form 4, Maths became Add.Maths and Gen.Maths whereas Science became Physics, Bio and Chemistry. At first i hate only 2 Subjects. Now it's 5! F-I-V-E! Urgh!!!!!!! Hate them lotss!! I wish i'm in the commerce class and i HOPE so.
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I'm signing off now. So that i can finish my suck-y assignments????
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Quote for the day: Do what you like. Try not being force.